Home is where I want to be
Pick me up and turn me around
I feel numb, born with a weak heart
I guess I must be having fun
In a totally modern take on how I knew our move was both official and imminent, today I changed the address on the “Home” icon of my GPS app.
As with any move, it’s truly #allthethings. Scary. Exciting. Overwhelming. Exhausting.
But this move? Pretty much all exciting.
We’re moving to the town where Noah has been attending school for over a year. And to finally be landing there for good – and able to take part in all of the things that the town has to offer – feels so great.
We bought an old house that needed a ton of work, but has – as we love to say – “good bones” (a super-talented architect doesn’t hurt either….). We’re fixing it up, adding lots of lovely features and doing our best to complement all of the details that were inherent.
In the year+ that we’ve been here (even as transients) we’ve met so many lovely people, and we are cautiously optimistic about the future.
I say “cautiously” because – as many of you know – Noah is in this school because it has a unique program that was just perfect for him and the challenges that his epilepsy (and treatment) created. And while he is doing so, so well – and has made astounding progress – it will be a long time before we feel that we are “out of the woods”. That we can breathe. That it’s going to be okay.
The less we say about it the better
Make it up as we go along
Feet on the ground, head in the sky
It’s okay, I know nothing’s wrong, nothing
And of course it is no small deal that I am leaving the town I’ve lived in for 25 years. TWENTY-FIVE. A quarter century. It’s where I raised Chelsea and Conor. It’s where I started and ran a business. It’s where my first marriage ended and my second began. And on and on – friendships, shop owners, playgrounds, restaurants – nooks and crannies that I can navigate at this point with my eyes closed. Where I am known, and know so many.
Starting over. Or is it starting a new chapter?
A number of years ago – before Noah’s diagnosis – Mike and I toyed with the idea of leaving New York. Raising this late-in-life surprise kid – and launching our two big kids out into the world – meant an opportunity to pick up and try someplace new. Someplace maybe less expensive, more low-key. Different.
We took a trip to Austin and explored. We considered southern Florida, where my parents live. And we planned – and had to cancel – two trips to the Triangle district of North Carolina.
And though I can’t say we did any of this super-seriously, I CAN say that I had the nagging sense that we were truly never going to leave New York. A wise friend summed it up so well: “You can’t run from something till you know what you’re running toward”. And nothing was pulling us “toward”.
Then one day early on in our journey with Noah’s ESES I found myself in the city with him and Chelsea (who had just moved into her first apartment). We did all of his favorite things – playground, ice cream, subway rides – and yet he was clearly in the throes of what can only be described as depression, brought on by the medication that ultimately put him in remission (we fortunately got him on another med to remedy that very quickly). It was a really rough day. And yet I remember telling Mike that evening that – even at what was one of the lowest points in this process – I was still able to feel the unmistakably positive energy I get every time I’m in my beloved city. And it was then that I knew for sure that I was not leaving. That this is the place for me.
The irony of the fact that we ARE moving – and NOT to the city – yet STAYING in New York, just in another suburb – is not lost on me. But that wise friend of mine was right – we now had the something to run TOWARD.
Noah’s life has utterly, completely changed in the past year – and all for the positive. And while he still continues to progress in tennis, swimming, skateboarding, etc., he is now also progressing as an active and participating member of his school community. And we see the living proof of this every day.
Oh! I got plenty of time
Oh! You got light in your eyes
And you’re standing here beside me
I love the passing of time
Never for money, always for love
Cover up and say goodnight, say goodnight
So, yeah – we’re moving. And it’s scary, exciting, overwhelming and exhausting.
But as long as this little guy’s okay……….we’re okay.
Oh – and are you interested in seeing our renovation?? I’m on the fence about it; let me know!
Home, is where I want to be
But I guess I’m already there
I come home, she lifted up her wings
I guess that this must be the place